


Louis' Miracle

by sobefarrington



Series: The Miracle of Mike Ross [3]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Domestic Violence, Implied Relationships, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-03 08:11:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobefarrington/pseuds/sobefarrington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens after the fight between Mike and Harvey.</p><p>One of two continuations of The Hands of Men, which is Louis based.</p><p>as requested.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been six months since the incident with Harvey that kick started the change in Mike’s life and he couldn’t be happier.

His threats of not returning hadn’t gone unheard, but Mike decided that it was probably for the best that he not go back that night, and took Louis up on his offer of an extra bed.

Sleep was uneasy the first night. The moss green and white room was a vast contrast from Harvey’s neutral and dark tones. His condo wasn’t frightening on first contact. It was inviting. In hindsight that was probably the most disturbing aspect of a sleepover with Louis.

Mike had woken after an hour of rest to the sun peering in through the curtains and the smell of toast, eggs and bacon coming from the kitchen.

He dressed in the wrinkled, blood splattered suit he’d been wearing when Louis found him and left the solitude of the guest room for the kitchen. Mike was still uneasy being in the company of a man who constantly pushed him around at the office. He felt better bracing himself for a confrontation. Something he found came naturally to him. He was always expecting a fight when he was with Harvey.

 

“Morning. How… Did you sleep well?”

Louis stumbled over his words. He too was unsure of the situation they were in. He didn’t want to pressure Mike into telling him anything he didn’t feel like sharing, but he was genuinely concerned. Mike wasn’t just a co-worker to him, and he certainly didn’t view him as an underling like he did some of the other first years. He felt bad for the way he had treated Mike in the past. For the constant pushing him around and bullying him into doing extra work on his behalf. He knew how good Mike was at his job. He’d noticed lately how little things had been slipping by him, but only now did he have some inkling as to why.

“Okay.” He responded shyly. “The room was nice. Cozy. I really appreciate the hospitality.”

“Any.. anytime.”

Mike gave an unsure half smile. He was starting to feel he overstayed his welcome and he didn’t want Louis to continue to tolerate his presence because he felt sorry for him, or because he thought he was being nice. Mike rubbed the back of his head and made to speak. He looked Louis in the eye.

“I mean it. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. As long as you feel the need. You’re not putting me out. I’ve had this place like… six years. No one’s ever stayed in that room.”

“Oh.”

Now Mike was feeling bad for Louis.

“I don’t want you to …. You don’t have to stay, if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to feel pressured to stay here. I don’t mean to make you feel trapped. Just… whenever you need a place to crash, or to escape. You’re safe here.”

Louis’ words stopped Mike in his tracks. That was it.

He’d never felt safe at Harvey’s, it was just familiar. He’d gotten used to expecting the worst, to feeling as though the ceiling was going to cave in at any moment. He had anticipated the beatings until he came to expect them, and then miss them when Harvey was having a good day or out of town. He’d become accustomed to the cycle of love and abuse. He didn’t know another way of being.

Mike had forgotten what it was like to have a night of peace. He’d not been anxious of Harvey walking in, drunk of a night out with some of the other partners. He’d not been scared of Harvey forcing sex when he didn’t want it, or being told that Harvey was lowering his standards by being with him.

Louis spoke to him like he was a person, something Harvey wouldn’t even do at the office anymore. The uneasy feeling he was having was because he was safe, and he wasn’t used to feeling that.

“I.. um… can I… can I trust you Louis?”

Louis stirred the scrambled eggs that were on the verge of burning in the frying pan. He looked back to Mike, who had moved to sit on one of the bar stools at the counter. Louis noticed the specks of blood on his shirt. He answered in the affirmative.

“I don’t want to go back there.”

“Then don’t.”

 

“But I-“

“Hey.”

The tone in Mike’s voice changed to something Louis had heard the night before. He was becoming overwhelmed with fear and worry again and he hated it. Louis hated every single thing about Harvey in that moment. Everything he had turned Mike into. 

Mike had been watching his hands trace patterns on the tiled counter. He looked up to Louis who had let the eggs burn in the pan to get the younger man’s attention. He leaned in to make sure Mike got the message.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you don’t feel safe there, don’t go back. Don’t let Harvey dictate how you feel about yourself. You shouldn’t let him put you down. You are so much better than anything he could hope to be. He shouldn’t touch you like he did. Nobody should touch you like that. Love isn’t punching someone until they break their face. Love isn’t conditioning the other person to only feel worthy when they feel worthless. You’re so much better than that Mike, you’re just… you’re so much better than that.”

Louis nearly trailed off into himself, the passion in his rant dissipating into something more than just what he thought was true. It bordered on his own feelings. Mike could tell there was more to what he had to say, but Louis feared something as well. There was something he didn’t want Mike to know.

“Do you think.. could I stay here another night or two. Just until I get a few things sorted out?”

“Like I said, as long as you like.”


	2. The Awkwardness of It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's so long. And I feel like it rambles.  
> I'm all apologies.

Mike took a personal day and skipped out on work. Harvey was no doubt fuming about it, but he decided he didn’t care. He wasn’t going to let it get to him. He was going to get into the apartment and pack a few bags. Enough to see him through at least a week. He would call Jessica if he thought he would need more than a day before he came back to work. He hated the idea of being in the same building as Harvey, even if he did have more people on his side than the older man did.

Mrs. Bay, two doors down, was the only other person in the building who had a key to Harvey’s apartment. Mike still wasn’t entirely sure why, but there had been some exchange of keys long before his arrival. She was pleased to see him and offered a cup of tea in exchange for his company if he’d sit with her a while. Mike adored Mrs. Bay, as crazy as she was, but he declined. He cited some turmoil at the office for his pressing need to get back to work and explained the blood on his shirt as an altercation with a client. Mrs. Bay was happy to let him into the place he shared with Harvey so long as he promised to give the key back.

He opened the door hesitantly. It had only occurred to him that Harvey might have taken the day as well when he’d knocked on Mrs. Bay’s door. There hadn’t been a sound from behind 12B when he approached it, and there was no move for the door when he unlocked it. No one was home.

Mike didn’t waste any time. Once he was inside he went straight for the bedroom closet. He found his old gym bag and a suitcase his grandmother had given him and started filling them with clothes. He packed the few photos he had on the dresser, his laptop, and cell phone accessories. He hit the bathroom and brushed his teeth before storing that away with his shampoo and electric razor. 

Mike swept through what was once his house, grabbing things that were his and filling his suitcase until he couldn’t pack it anymore. He made sure there wasn’t a trace of him that he’d have to come back for. He wasn’t sure he’d be brave enough to return without staying again.

He left the place as it was when he’d arrived there, minus all the details that were him. He even took the mini watermelon he’d bought the few days before to ensure that Harvey wouldn’t get a slice of it. Mike dropped the keys off to Mrs. Bay, flicking it under the small gap between the door and the floor. He didn’t want her to see the suitcase and worry. Mike told himself he’d return to visit her and have that cup of tea to make him feel better about not saying goodbye. 

He took his bike, opting to steer one-handed so he could lug his suitcase alongside him. Mike thought during his ride about how sad his life had been with Harvey. Six month living with his boyfriend and his entire life plus a watermelon fit into two bags. He hadn’t felt any better about his position in the world during his stay with Harvey. He didn’t feel any more important being with Harvey. He didn’t feel any true love during his relationship. Six months of pain and regret was all he’d gotten out of being with Harvey. Six months of his life he’d never get back.

Mike stopped for a red light, waiting amongst the crowd of people that had started to gather and swell at the intersection. It dawned on him that his job was in jeopardy and his entire body seized up. He wasn’t a lawyer. He didn’t go to law school. And now this job, this thing that he was so inexplicably good at, was most likely going to be ripped away from him. And he’d be back between the same rock and hard place he’d been the rest of his life.

The lights changed and the crowd started pushing forward, moving around the man sitting motionless on his bike. He’s been saving up the money he made in anticipation of being jobless again, so that wasn’t so much an issue. Mike was more upset about having the friends taken away from him. He enjoyed his job, even on the days when Harvey was intolerable. He’d become accustomed to having a familiar place to go to every morning, where people liked him and he was good at the work that needed to be done. That wasn’t the case with dealing drugs and intentionally barely passing LSATS for people too scared to take them. That wasn’t a life plan. That wasn’t something his grandmother would approve of.

The light changed red again before he had attempted to cross. He waited once more with a new swell of city dwellers and made it during his second try. He’d rid himself of the lie he once had. He’d changed, and for once it was for the better. He wasn’t going to let Harvey ruin that for him.

He crossed two more intersections before making a left and continuing back towards Louis’ building.

He thought about that too. 

Louis.

A man who continuously pushed him at the office, who had never in his time there shown Mike an ounce of encouragement or given him a speck of praise. This man who berated him almost daily had consoled him when he needed it, fixed what was physically broken and accepted him into his home. He’d shown Mike the kindness he hadn’t been given before, and for that he was truly grateful. 

But he also didn’t want to overstay his welcome. He wasn’t sure how long Louis’ hospitality was going to last, but he figured by the end of the week it would be up.

Mike stopped at a little bodega a few buildings down from Louis’ for a newspaper before returning to the lavish condo.

The doorman, who hadn’t been working when he’d left, greeted Mike with a friendly Hello Mr. Ross and held the door open. He helped Mike with his bags and offered to put his bicycle into safe keeping until he required it again. He was slightly unsure, but took the gentleman up on the offer. He didn’t want to drag a damp-tired ten speed into Louis’ living room. The entire exchange with the doorman had made him feel awkward.

Louis had gone into the office before Mike had left for Harvey’s. He’d given Mike a spare key to use while he stayed there. Another thing that had Mike feeling weird about the whole situation. Louis trusted him to be alone in his condo. They didn’t really know each other. Harvey had known more about Mike when he moved in and Harvey was still hesitant about giving him a key. 

As much as Louis used to creep and freak him out at the office, he had quite the opposite effect outside the Pearson Hardman halls. He was kind and comforting. He made Mike feel at ease and appreciated. Louis might have been overcompensating because of the events that had unfolded, but it didn’t feel that way. Mike had felt a genuine friendship for the man, and all the things that used to urk him faded into the past. He found those creepy moments to be his inability to understand Louis. He didn’t know the man past the suit he was wearing, but he’d started to see the qualities he’d once seen in Harvey.

The gentle tone of voice Louis used when speaking to Mike. How he chose his words. The trust and assurance that was bestowed upon him almost instantly. He’d never experienced that kind of confidence so instantly. Even the doorman greeting him like he’d lived there for years. That, Mike was certain, was a Louis touch. Somehow Louis got a good enough description of Mike to this man and told him not to question his appearance, or the bags. And probably told him there’d be a bike in the mix. Louis wanted Mike to be comfortable during his stay there.

Mike thought he should probably do something to say thank you.

Louis spent the day worrying about Mike and keeping an extra tab on Harvey’s whereabouts. Yeah, the man was livid. He spent a good three hours in his office just pushing paperwork through and trying to give Donna a hard time. Louis was pleased to see she wasn’t having any of it, and her cussing Harvey out loud enough for the other associates in the hall to overhear nearly did him in. Louis took her out to lunch to thank her for the display. And he told her.

Donna had known of their relationship. It was fairly evident, if completely unspoken. But she hadn’t known about the abuse. Not with Mike. She’d suspected they fought, and often. There’d be days where the pair weren’t speaking to each other, or communicating in such short bursts that it made her uncomfortable, but Mike had never known signs of physical altercations. Not like the others had.

She had really been hoping that maybe Mike was the one. 

The one that had changed Harvey. But she learned that wasn’t the case. If Mike couldn’t do it, then no one could. 

She agreed to help Louis out in whatever way she could, which for now meant keeping an eye on Harvey and not saying anything to Rachel. 

Louis did his best not to think about Mike though. Every time his mind drifted to the young man he pictured him at home on his couch with him, the two of them watching a game or a movie, enjoying a nice cuddle on a Sunday afternoon. He spent so much of his day dreaming of lazy Sundays with Mike that he nearly missed a deposition and was caught off guard at his desk twice.

The only thing he wanted more than to see Mike happy was to see Mike happy with him. He tried not to let himself believe that after he’d healed from the Harvey relationship that there’d be a chance for Louis to try, but it was hard. Very hard. Especially considering where Mike was at that moment.

He thought about what he would do when he got home. How he would deal with having another person in his home. He truly hoped that Mike was comfortable there. He hated the idea of him feeling awkward or uneasy and not having another option but to be that way. He felt that if Mike wanted to he could go somewhere else. He knew the man had once had friends outside of work, but Louis worried the relationship with Harvey might have driven them to the point of unreachability. Harvey had that effect on the people he cared about.

Louis tried to fight himself, but it was difficult. He wanted to ask Mike to stay, but he knew how that would come off. And he certainly wasn’t going to do that tonight. If Mike was there when he got home he’d do better to talk to him without being so awkward about the whole situation.

If Mike was there.

Because even Louis was aware of himself enough to know that people tended not to stick around him too long.


	3. Two Arms To Hold You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a long one again, but it gets better(ish) at the end.  
> all apologies again.

Louis was standing outside his front door.

He had asked the doorman if Mike had returned and the doorman seemed pleased to say that he had. He’d left once again in the afternoon and had returned an hour or so later with some bags and a newspaper, but he was most certainly still in the building.

This made Louis very nervous.

Mike had stayed.   
Yes it was only one day, but it was more days than anyone else had ever kept at his home, and Louis was quite happy to have the company. Only now he was anxious about it.

He stood holding his keys, waiting until he had half a conversation in his head before entering. Hi, nice to see you decided to stay. How are you feeling? No, the firm somehow managed a day without you. Donna passes her hellos—No. That would mean that Louis told Donna that Mike was staying with him. He didn’t want Mike thinking he spent the day spreading rumours about their temporary living arrangements.

“Hi Mike. I’m glad you decided to stick around. Are you feeling alright?” Louis whispered to himself in the hall. “Did you get into Harvey’s … Did you get your…”

 

Louis let out a sigh of relief and muttered a fuck it to himself before unlocking the front door and walking into his home.

He stopped short just inside the front door, stepping aside to close it and drop his briefcase. 

Mike had spruced the place up.

There were two fresh bouquets of flowers that seamlessly matched the décor in both the kitchen and the living room. An apple pie was taunting him from the small island that separated the two spaces. He could smell it still. The floors were clean and shiny and everything had a distinct scent of lemon and honey. The familiar aroma of the green household cleaner Louis kept in the linen closet.

The curtains were open to let the natural light flow through the rooms. The design of the building allowed for such a wonderful view in the afternoon, Mike had wondered why Louis didn’t take advantage of it. 

The flat screen plasma television in the living room was already playing the news, some politic garbage he wasn’t truly interested in. Things that were almost in need of a dusting had been spruced, the rug Louis was standing out had faint vacuum tracks on it.

And the dining room table was set.

Two place settings had been set. One at the head of the table, the seat Louis had sat in for every meal since its purchase, and the seat to its left. There were two plates, forks, knives, a glass of water and a bottle of Pinot Noir. The oven a glow with something colorful and cheesy. 

Mike had made dinner.

Louis thought back to his mother, the only other person who had every cooked for him in his lifetime, and the unbridled reassurance he felt at the thought of coming home to a house that was lived in. 

Just then Mike skidded into the room, rushing from somewhere else. He came to a sudden stop, his behavior changing now what Louis was back. It was clear he had tried to adjust during his alone time, and he’d become comfortable enough. But it all changed when Louis walked through the door. The sliding about in his sock feet stopped and turned into a paced walk to the oven. His words stammered as he tried to speak, before rushing out all at once.

“I… uh. I did a bit of … like.. light cleaning. I didn’t move anything though. And I made it a bit brighter in here. I hope the flowers are okay. I didn’t know if you were allergic or anything. I uh… I made dinner. I wanted to say thank you and … well… this is the only way I know how.”

“It’s more than fine, but you didn’t have to.”

The look on Mike’s face was hard to pin down. He was unsure if Louis was upset or happy, and all the pussyfooting around wasn’t helping either of them. Their lives had been a rollercoaster before Pearson Hardman, because of Pearson Hardman and because of the cards they were dealt. 

Louis decided he was going to make a stand. He was going to be the grown up and say it and just hope it was going to work out for the best.

“Listen, I know this is weird. Our professional relationship is touchy, at best. We really don’t know anything about each other and I get the feeling that you’re finding it hard to be here. So why don’t we just throw all the awkwardness out the window and try to have a nice, friendly dinner, because I’m starving and whatever is in there smells awesome.”

Mike smiled.

“It’s my grandmother’s lasagna.” Mike said, moving to take it out of the oven. “I wasn’t sure when you were going to get back, so it’s been keeping warm for about twenty minutes.”

. . . . .

Louis had eaten two heaping platefuls of the lasagna and a slice of bread. The two of them had consumed the wine. They were slowly finishing the last glasses while moving onto the pie when Louis decided to open up the questioning.

He could see the worry in Mike’s face every time he refilled his glass. And He felt sick about it. It had nothing to do with him, he knew, but the idea of Mike being worried about how much Louis consumed made him wretch at the thought of why he did it. He started simple.

“Did you get your things alright?”

Mike had been waiting for it. He knew Louis was going to ask about it, It was unavoidable. He’d been preparing what he would say for most of the day.

“Yes. A neighbor let me in.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

There was a pause of silence between them.

“Did you get everything?”

“I got everything.”

“That’s good.”

“I picked up a paper when I was getting stuff for dinner. There are a few listings I’m going to call tomorrow. I don’t think I’ll be in your hair long.”

Louis felt his heart sink. Mike wasn’t in his hair, gawd he was anything but. Louis wanted to ask him to stay permanently, in his bed or the spare, whichever he preferred. There was something soothing about having a friendly face to come home to, even if you weren’t sleeping with them.

Now Louis was thinking about sleeping with him.

“There’s no rush. Like I said, as long as you like.”

 

Clean up had been put off, on Louis’ orders, so the pair could watch the day before’s episode of Criminal Minds. With all the commotion with Harvey and Louis working late, they’d both missed it and needed to catch up.

Louis sat in his usual spot on the couch, his right arm over the arm of the sofa. Mike sat between the two remaining seats. He left enough space between the two to keep himself comfortable, though if he were to admit it he’d scream for the physical attention. 

That was something he’d never get over, how Harvey liked to be close to him. When they sat on the couch to watch a game or read over cases, Harvey always sat right next to him, or pulled in him closer so they were touching. It was one of the things Mike liked that he could rely on. Even when Harvey was angry with him, he still wanted him there next to him. And Mike wanted to be there next to him.

Louis had consumed more wine in the last few hours than he had in the last several months. He forgot the effect it had on his system. Or how it avoided his system and went straight for his head. He wanted Mike next to him, he wanted to do the polar opposite of everything he had been doing in the last twenty three hours. He wanted to cradle Mike in his arms as they lay haphazardly together on the sofa. He wanted to card his fingers through Mike’s short, bristly locks. He wanted the conversation o drift from work to social events to friends and co-workers to what he thought they might have for dinner tomorrow. He wanted to talk color schemes in a manner that gave them both an erection. He wanted to feel Mike’s hand explore the muscles in Louis’ arms. He wanted to hear the younger man hum as if answering a question he hadn’t asked aloud. He wanted to feel Mike’s lips graze across his own. He wanted their passion to be so hot that it steamed up the living room. He wanted the hours lost and turning into days before they broke their embrace.

But they weren’t in an embrace. They were an arms’ length apart on the sofa.

Mike quickly started to feel the whole inside him opening. There was a spot that Harvey filled, regardless of what had transpired, that was gaping now and it left Mike in a world of hurt he wasn’t used to. He needed someone. Someone to care for him, to hold him, to make the ever creeping blackness disappear.

He worried he would never have it again.

And before Criminal Minds had even started Mike was in tears.

“Alright, time for som—Mike?”

Louis was caught off guard by the tears and cut his joyous decree short. He put the remote down without selecting the play option and moved in next to Mike.

He was unable to speak, the waterworks clogging up in his throat, choking him. He fought to breathe, and felt himself failing at that. Like everything else.

“Mike, hey buddy. Calm down okay. It’s alright.”

Louis pulled the younger man into his arms, cradling Mike’s head on his chest as he fought for air. Mike latched onto him wrapping one arm around the man and the other pawed at him reassuringly, making certain he was actually there.

Louis worried tremendously. Mike had turned on a dime, going from the mostly okay, composed version of him Louis was used to, to a sobbing bag of heartache he was currently consoling. Louis wasn’t used to that kind of on off emotion. He worried it wouldn’t be safe to leave Mike on his own. He didn’t trust this man to spend the night alone.

“You’re alright Mike. You’re safe here. You’re safe.”

Louis shhhed him and hummed the most soothing opera he knew. He rocked the man in his arms, trying not to revel in the closeness while Mike had his attack. Louis adjusted them on the couch until he was in a comfortable position, which his back to the arm of the chair he’d been leaning against earlier.

It was a while before Mike had stopped sobbing, and even longer before he’d stopped crying completely. By which time Louis noted that Mike had fallen asleep. In his arms. On the couch.

Exhausted and not ready to leave Mike on his own, Louis shuffled around one last time until he could lay the long way on his sofa, with Mike still in his arms.


	4. One More Minute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I suck at updating.  
> Better late than never I hope.  
> It's a shorter one, but there should be more before the week is out.  
> I think I finally have a plan for this :)  
> Sorry, Sorry.

Louis didn’t want to admit it, but he felt the tug of the heartstrings the night before. He tried to lie to himself but it was utterly useless. He held Mike in his arms through the night, and it was the most natural thing he’d ever felt. 

He kept himself awake and alert for a good portion of the night, listening to their hearts sync beats until they continued on in perfect harmony, pulling Louis’ eyelids down in to the night and a deep, tranquil sleep.

He was lucky enough to wake first a few hours later, Mike still in the same position he was in so long ago. Louis’ arms still around the man. The wet stain of tears now dried and crumpled on his button down shirt.

Louis found it impossible not to think about it. About waking up like that every morning. Mike in his bed next to him as the sun slowly crept in to let them know the day had started without them. Louis rolling over to find his other half buried in the comforter. Wrapping his arm around Mike, feeling his skin warm under his hands. Finding their hearts beating as one again. Nuzzling his neck, leaving small, chaste kisses in his wake that would stir the younger man into the morning. Mike would respond in kind, finding Louis’ hand with his own and bringing it up to his face to kiss his knuckles and pull him in closer. They’d lie together for a while, as close as their bodies would allow. Their fingers intertwined and resting over Mike’s heart. The most fragile and cared for thing in the room.

Louis felt his chest tighten with want and his eyes tear with need. He let his left hand wander to stroke Mike’s hair. The younger man let out a long breath and relaxed a little more. Louis choked down a sob he hoped wasn’t loud enough to wake Mike from his peaceful slumber. 

He managed to get himself under control before Mike opened his eyes.

Mike moved slowly as his lids parted. He rubbed at his eyes, lazily running his hand over the back of his head as he realized where he was.

He pushed himself off of Louis and apologized profusely while moving to the opposite end of the couch. He smoothed his hands over his shirt and padded his hair down before rubbing his face awake.

Louis frowned. He quite liked the way Mike looked in the morning.

“It’s okay. It’s… it was… kinda restful actually.”

Louis wanted nothing more in that moment than to have the power of time travel at his disposal.

“I just… god, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Exhaustion probably. Listen, you and Harvey parted ways badly. I’d be more concerned if you weren’t emotional.”

“Yeah but—“

“No. No buts. Don’t worry about it. I’m gonna get ready for work. If you want to take the day I’ll swing it for you. I’ll tell Harvey I’ve got you out working on something for me.”

Louis started to move from the couch and fluff the cushions as he talked.

“You can relax here. I really… I really like having you here Mike.”

“Yeah… I like it here.”

Mike continued to stare at his hands as if he were examining his fingers while Louis rambled on his way to the bedroom.

“Great. We can watch that Criminal Minds tonight. And I have tickets to the Opera on Saturday if you’d like to go. I don’t know if that’s your thing or not, but I think you’d like it.”

Mike mumbled an okay from his seat in the living room while Louis went on about things they could do together, and new things Mike might like to try to get his mind off of everything that had happened. He listened as Louis dressed about checking out a new gym and joining a book club until the older man was out of the house.

That was when Mike started to call the apartments on his list and ask when he could move in.


	5. Untold Dreams and Heart Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been three weeks since Mike left Louis' condo....

It had been three weeks since Mike left Louis’ condo, and he was still feeling bad about it.

He’d spent the morning on the phone calling listing after listing until he found what he was looking for. 

The place wasn’t spectacular. It was less impressive than the pad he’d kept before stumbling into Harvey’s interview. The location was loathsome, as it now took him almost an hour to ride his bike to work. But he was able to move in that day.

And that’s what he did.

He’d left a note for Louis on the counter with another apple pie he hoped would express both his thanks and his regret in staying there and leaving so hastily.

But the events of the previous night and morning were just too much for him.

Mike wanted some time alone. Away from the mess his life had become. He didn’t want reminding of the mistakes he’d made, or the excuses he’d created to go with it. He knew Harvey’s actions were of his own accord. Mike didn’t hold himself responsible for what had transpired. He knew Harvey had a problem. It was clear now that he saw it from an outside perspective. Mike didn’t deserve the treatment he was getting from Harvey. No one did.

But he couldn’t take the reminding of it from Louis either. Mike needed to vent the relationship. He needed to cry about it, to feel anxious of returning to work. He worried about not having the strength to resist the ‘Specter Charm’. But it wasn’t as bad as he expected it’d be.

Mike returned to work on Monday to find Harvey out of the office. Donna told him Jessica sent him on a mission and he wouldn’t be in for a few days. He wasn’t sure if the mission was Mike-related. Mike wasn’t sure if anyone other than Harvey and Louis knew. But it was easy to assume Donna was in on it. Donna knew everything.

But she didn’t let on and Mike appreciated her ever the more for it.

Louis kept his distance too.

And that was when it first started. Because even though that was what Mike had asked for, it still hurt.

Louis didn’t see or speak to him for the first week. On the few occasions when he did specifically need Mike’s help, he sent a messenger to relay the information. 

Mike thought about it some more the following Monday, while sifting through papers alone in the corner of the file room. Donna had come in searching for him. She’d seen Louis in the hall and he’d asked her to pass on a few words.

“What did I do?” 

The confusion was set on his face. It wasn’t often anyone saw him so dumbfounded. Donna could see he clearly didn’t have a clue. She turned back towards the door and locked it. If they were going to have this conversation, it was going to be without interruption.

She tried to smile, but it was halved and forced, as though she was thinking of the nicest way to say it.

“Honey,” she started, pulling out a chair next to Mike to sit. “Louis is… Louis is special. And I don’t mean ‘Quit Eating The Paste’ special. He’s this hard-shelled, eating-nails-for-breakfast tyrant who can’t control the office so he controls the minions, you see what I mean?”

Mike nodded.

“Except he’s not that. He’s this intelligent, considerate, lovable man who is constantly being hurt by everyone around him. He just wears that evil Louis suit when he comes to work. And you got to see that inner shell and you ran from it.”

“I didn’t-“

“No, I know. But that’s what it looks like to Louis. That letter you left him. He was devastated. He truly thought he was helping you. He really cares for you Michael, and he thinks you threw that friendship away. I think if you think about how you worded that Dear John you left him, you’ll understand his point of view. This keeping his distance, sending messengers and emails. He’s giving you want you want so you’ll be happy even though it hurts him.”

There were so many things Mike wanted to ask Donna. He wondered why she always talked Louis down to his face if she really felt that way about him. He wanted to know how she knew he was soft and kind-hearted. He wanted to know if she actually read the letter or if Louis just told her about it. But mostly, one thing was bothering him.

Donna was getting up to leave Mike to his thoughts when he decided to speak. To ask her what she meant when she said

“What do you mean ‘even though it hurts him.’?”

Donna turned and frowned at Mike. 

“You’re such a bright young man Mike. It amazes me how you could be so oblivious. Louis is in love with you. There. I said it. Said I wouldn’t, but I did. Think about it. Really think about it. That night you came back here and ran into him. The nights you were there. You’ll see it. You’ll know I’m right.”

Donna reached the door and unlocked it. She opened it to leave, but turned to speak once more. Mike was already starting to space out, the distant look in his eyes.

“And when you do eventually wrap that genius mind around it, do the world a favor and apologize to that man. I can’t take another lunch hour of him moping and crying at me.”

* * * * * * *   
It had been three weeks since Mike had left Louis’ condo.

Three weeks of sitting in his desolate, barren, squalor habitat. Three weeks of eating Mac & Cheese and pizza. Of drinking flat Coke and off-tasting tap water. Three weeks of isolated television and muted conversations with co-workers. He was making himself sick keeping his distance from everyone.

He thought about what Donna had said. How she felt he was out of line with Louis. He reviewed the note in his mind over and over again and it read the same as it always had. It was direct and to the point, but not in a way Mike found harsh or condescending.

But he thought about Louis returning home to find nothing but an apple pie and that note. He thought about how happy Louis had been to come home the night before, finding Mike sliding around in his socks, cooking dinner. He remembered what it felt like to come home to someone waiting. He recalled the joy of having a house that felt full. A place that was loved and not loathed. He remembered how he felt at Harvey’s. How it never felt like it belonged to him in any sense. It seemed impossible that the two nights at Louis’ were a thousand times better than his months with Harvey, but they had been. Even if it had gotten overwhelming in the end.

Not uncomfortable. He knew that now. Spending time with Louis outside the walls of Pearson Hardman was calming, reassuring. It seemed like a natural fit to be next to him at the dinner table or on the couch. It didn’t weird him out to wake up with Louis on the couch. It set him off that Louis was comfortable with it. 

It had taken Harvey some time to adjust to their new lifestyle even after Mike had moved in, while Louis – who barely knew Mike to begin with – seemed right at home in holding him while he slept.

Mike smiled to himself.

He hadn’t said a word to anyone about it, but he’d dreamt that night. For the first night in a long while. He dreamt of reading on the beach. He was under an umbrella that had been stuck in the sand and was worried the tide was coming in and getting too close to his feet. The voices of two or three children echoed out of his sight, but it made him smile. There was some delightful screaming, a splash and silence. A combination that made Mike call out from his shaded heaven.

“Everything alright out there?”

He had reached up to push the umbrella out of his way and caught the view of the three children. A boy and girl, about five and seven, play fighting at the edge of the water. And a third child, a ten year old girl, building an elaborate sand castle not too far away from the others.

two girls and a boy, between five and ten years old, play fighting at the edge of the water. One of them yelled to Mike a Yes Daddy we’re fine as something approached them in the water.

The outline was human, muting Mike’s worry a little. But it wasn’t until Louis popped up out of the water in an attempt to spook the children did he both relax and tense up at the same time. Louis made a face, waving his arms in the air at the children as they screamed and scattered with glee. Louis fell back into the water and swam away, getting just far enough to let the kids get back to playing.

“Poppa thinks he’s being funny.” The oldest of the three stated very matter of factly, never leaving her build sight during the course of the attack.

Mike was unsure how to react, but Dream Mike seemed to have the situation sorted.

“Just ignore them Deana. Pop will wear himself out sooner or later.”

Louis was swimming back up the beach at the little children again, and Mike watched with a smile and a disillusion. This was his life. This was his family.

Louis popped up out of the water and made like a sea monster again. He’d stopped when he locked eyes with Mike. Louis froze and set a long gaze on his other half as the children they shared scurried about between the two of them. Mike caught the boy trampling through part of Deana’s sandcastle out of the corner of his eye. He saw Deana’s reaction of resign as she started to pack up her tools. But Mike’s eyes were fixed on Louis.

Fixed on Louis and the look he was giving. Mike had seen that look before. Dream Mike had seen it frequently, but even Lucid Mike knew that look. It was the same look of soothing content he’d given him the night he left Harvey. It was the same reassuring safety Mike had been looking for the night after. It was love in its purest form.  
Louis smiled and gave a small nod, knowing what Mike was about to say. He started back out from the water towards the smaller children before calling out.

“Jackson, Rachel darlings. Time to pack it in.”

Louis stopped by Deana’s castle to help her carry the plastic pails she’d filled with shovels and carving tools. He leaned in to kiss to the top of her head and offer some condolence to what her brother had done. Deana didn’t seem phased by the incident, as though she were used to her creations being demolished by a five year old.

Mike waited by the umbrella as Louis approached him. They smiled to each other some more before Louis put the pail down by his feet. He gave Mike a chaste kiss to the sound of a seven year olds ‘eww’s. Mike placed a hand to Louis’ face to gently scratch the five o’clock shadow that was growing in as Louis put an arm around Mike.

Mike had woken a moment after that, but he recalled the feeling of intense fulfillment, where the hole in his chest had been crammed with love and joy and peace. It was everlasting bliss. And it lingered in the few moments after his waking, when he realized arms were holding him. 

 

It had been three weeks since Mike had left that feeling in Louis’ condo. 

And he missed him terribly.


	6. One Big Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike knows what he has to do, he just needs the courage to do it.  
> That and for Louis to talk to him....

Louis had made excellent time, arriving home after his short walk from the office just before the rain started. He’d placed his briefcase next to the front door for the morning with his shoes and moved to the window as he loosened his tie. He watched the rain sound out a beat against the glass as he thought.

He was exhausted from work. The suit he was helping with was difficult enough without having the underlings screwing up their assignments as well. Louis spent a lot of his day fixing other people’s mistakes.

And avoiding Mike. It had been four weeks since he’d walked out, leaving a note full of crap excuses and apologies. Louis didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He wanted to forget the man existed, going to some lengths to avoid him at work. Louis had worked himself up into believing there was a chance their friendship could blossom into something more. He viewed Mike’s willingness to stay because he didn’t have anywhere else to go as something more than what it was and he was embarrassed and angry with himself. 

He let out a resigned sigh as the thunder sounded.

 

Mike wasn’t quite as lucky. He managed to leave Pearson Hardman after a hard day of Donna ushering him around while he unsuccessfully tried to get in touch with Louis just as the rain started. He fumbled with his bike lock, the wet metal cold and sliding out of his hands. He made several attempts to dry his seat, every single one of them failing. Two streets on his normal route home were blocked for accidents and a motorist swerved toward a puddle to purposely soak Mike. The torturous ride took him an extra twenty minutes to get home.

Home, the only placed he despised more than work. He fought his front door and entryway to get his bike inside, slipping with his wet shoes and hitting his knee sideways against the tile floor in an attempt to brace himself for impact. 

Mike braved a ride in the buildings unreliable elevator and managed to make it to his fifth floor without incident.

He walked down the hall with terrible trepidation, just hoping for a sign to send him anywhere but there. He hated what he had done to his life. Granted he was happy to be out of the terror that was Harvey’s home, but he missed the comfort that having friends, of people. He felt more separated from his world now than he ever had. Trying to make peace with Louis was impossible. He understood now why Louis was so hurt by his leaving so abruptly, but not being able to apologize and try to move past it was taking its toll on him. His felt his stomach turn at the thought of going through another day of being avoided. 

Mike landed at his doorstep and leaned his bike against the wall while he searched for his keys. He wanted to tell Louis he was sorry for being an ass. Sorry for running away because the situation was scaring him. He wanted to tell Louis it wasn’t his fault. He wanted to repair the olive branch Mike broke when he left and, hopefully, jump start the friendship that died when he closed the door behind him.

But how was he going to do that with a man who refused to speak to him.

Mike found the keys buried in the bottom of his satchel and unlocked the door, arguing with the sticky doorknob until it agreed to open.

The door swung left to reveal the spitefulness that was his abode. His stomach turned again and, as the door reached its maximum level of openness, Mike’s ten speed slid off the wall and onto the floor, the crash echoing in his ears and igniting the fuel required to make the light bulb go off. 

Mike let the door swing back before shutting it tight. He threw the keys back into his bag before picking his bike up and leaving the building.

 

He rode through the city at a high speed, the rain pounding down against his back and the thunder encouraging him to go even faster. He ignored the puddles and used his feet to guide his quick turns around corners. He blew through three red lights and taunted traffic to move in his favor. He had a mission now, and it was the only thing keeping him going.

 

He arrived at his destination, the ten speed skidding to a slippery halt and sliding out from underneath him. Mike retrieved it again and brought it through the front doors with him.

“Good evening Mr. Ross. I’ll buzz Mr. Litt if you-“

“No time Clarence. I’ll just surprise him.”

Mike pushed past the doorman, leaving his bike propped up against one of the pillars in the entrance before moving an elevator fresh from dropping off its riders. Clarence tried to get Mike’s attention, but the young man was actively avoiding him. He didn’t want Louis to know he was there.

The doors began to shut and Mike yelled a ‘Thanks. I owe you’ before he was completely out of view. He was confident the doorman wouldn’t call ahead and give Louis the edge he would need to beat Mike to the door and escape.

The elevator popped open on Louis’ floor and Mike stepped outside the doors before they closed on him. Some of the adrenaline that brought him there was fading, but he kept pushing forward, onward toward the uncertain. Louis’ door remained closed and the floor was silent. Louis was inside and he didn’t know Mike was coming.

 

Louis was content watching the rain fall, occasionally getting lost in his own thoughts. He wondered if he could have done things differently. If he could have convinced Mike to stay a little longer, or not of been so aggressive in making him comfortable. He realized it was pointless to dwell on the past, but he had given up trying to stop. Everything in his head said it was possible, but his soul thought otherwise. 

Louis was away in those thoughts when a loud knock on the door brought him back to the room.

 

Mike stopped short of the intimidating plank of wood that separated him from the man he missed to terribly. He made a vain attempt to fix his rain soaked hair and suit, but it was impossible. The shivers were becoming hard to hold off and his mind was racing. He stopped thing long enough to knock on the door. 

As soon as he had he regretted it.

He worried he didn’t have the words to convince Louis that he was genuinely sorry. He wanted to assure him he could be what it was he was looking for, but he didn’t think he’d get enough time to say it before Louis inevitably slammed the door in his face. He had to come up with something, and quick, as the footsteps on the inside approached him.

 

Louis wasn’t expecting anyone, hadn’t been anyway. He couldn’t recall the last time someone had knocked on his door that he hadn’t okayed to come through the building. It must have been someone else who lived there. Someone no doubt needed his expertise. Under normal conditions he would be glad to help. Lend an ear and a solution if he saw one, but not today. Today he wasn’t in the mood for anything.

He was going to open the door and tell them where to cram it.

 

Mike saw the doorknob turning and ran through scenarios as quick as his brain could process. The knob wound all the way and the door started to withdraw. He knew there was only one thing to do.

 

Louis pulled back on the handle, speaking as he did so.

“Look, I’m just not in the—“

Louis was silenced by Mike’s presence. He had expected it to be a neighbor down the hall. But it was the expression on the soaked face that kept him from telling Mike to bugger off. Sad excitement was an awkward look on anyone, but on Mike it was especially painful. Louis sighed before opening the door and moving aside to make way.

 

Mike paused when the door opened. He knew what he wanted to convey, and seeing Louis’ face only cemented the idea in his brain that much more.

He stepped inside the foyer, being careful not to soak the shoes and briefcase that were nearby. And as soon as the door was closed behind him, Mike turned around and planted his lips to Louis’.

The kiss was soft and somewhat desperate. Mike swept a hand behind Louis’s head, keeping him close while Louis’s arms caressed up the back of Mike’s sopping wet jacket. Louis pulled Mike toward him until their bodies were flush. His lips parted a slight but Mike didn’t push for more. He’d backed them up until Louis was against the door. 

They were stuck together for some time, a mess of lips and hands and heavy breathing. It was some minutes later when Louis’ hand found its way beneath the waistband of Mike’s pants. The younger man pulled back a moment to take a breath and Louis saw the hesitation in him and decided they needed a break.

“Towels.” Louis said as though it were the first thing to come to mind. “I’ll get you some towels.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a not-really-story-related note, I finally got my computer back. All fixed and running well. Hopefully it stays that way. *fingers crossed*


	7. Love and A Thousand Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six Months Later....

Louis arrived home late. So late that he was encroaching on tomorrow. And he was worried. It had been his six month anniversary with Mike and he has missed it.

Louis had never taken much stock in things like anniversaries, especially ones that measured in months, but he knew it mattered to Mike. And if it was important to Mike, it was important to Louis.

He had called and left a message to apologize, letting his other half know he didn’t have a clue as to when he was going to get out of the office. He’d lost count of the sorrys he’d spoken to their answering machine, but it didn’t convey half of what he felt. The guilt and disappointment of letting Mike down genuinely upset Louis to tears. He was aware that Mike knew about the case he was working on. The complexities and the impossible deadlines and the frantic digging through old files and statements. It had been wearing Louis down the last few weeks. He did his best to keep it from showing, but there was no fooling Mike Ross. He knew Louis was hurting. And he wasn’t surprised to see the machine flashing a red number one when he came out of the shower.

The condo was quiet when Louis unlocked the door. The light has been left on in the kitchen for him, but the rest of the house was dark and silent. He was certain Mike had gone to bed. But Louis was still left of a few surprises.

 

A note rested on the counter, a vase of flowers – the same bouquet from the bodega down the road Mike had first bought six months ago – keeping it company. It was a simple message relay, letting Louis know there was lasagna in the microwave and that he wasn’t upset. Mike ended the note with a simple love you, leaving Louis a little less frustrated with himself at that moment.

 

He heated up the lasagna and waited to stop the microwave to avoid the beeping waking his other half and then ate it standing over the sink. Something he hadn’t done since Mike had moved it.

 

Louis had seen the trouble Mike had gone to. The flowers and the lasagna. The garlic bread left untouched and rewrapped on the counter. The remotes in the living room set up for viewing last week’s episode of Criminal Minds. Mike had planned a night for them, reminiscent of their first awkward encounter when he’d first stayed the night. It torn at Louis to see what he had missed out on. What he had taken from Mike, and himself. It had been so long since they’d had a peaceful night together. It was all either of them wanted.

 

He set his plate and fork in the sink to be dealt with in the morning and headed towards the bathroom, switching off lights and making sure doors were locked and he went.

 

Louis got ready for bed thinking about the weeks of regret and pain and the fateful night of Mike’s return. He’d felt a fool for thinking there was any chance of sparking anything more than a friendship, especially seeing as Mike’s relationship with Harvey had ended in such a mess. But he’d forced a pretty determined hand to a very vulnerable friend. Louis had accepted that now, but seeing beyond the logic had been hard for him in the beginning. Louis had spent his time avoiding Mike and struggling with his own demons. His self confidence and inter-personal issues dropping and rising to new lows and highs, his bouts of depression seeing a return and his time spent actually working decreased significantly. He was becoming buried in a life he was hating and it was taking a toll.

 

Louis had been taken by surprise at how easily he adjusted to life with another person. Though their relationship started slow and unsure on almost every aspect and encounter, it wasn’t more than six weeks before they had found a pattern they were content with. A work arrangement that kept them content, a social life that pleased the pair of them, and a home they both looked forward to going to at the end of the day. Both had made some sacrifices, but they were minor in comparison to what they were gaining. Louis arrived home to someone who genuinely and passionately cared for him on a plane he still had trouble comprehending. There wasn’t a thing in the world he would trade for that feeling.

 

He hustled from the bathroom to the bedroom and bed he shared with Mike. Quiet as the night, he slipped through the door. He’d left his suit hanging in the bathroom and wore only his boxers as he moved through the room.

Mike was content and unconscious as he slept with his back to the bedroom door, his face being lit by the night that penetrated the large, half shaded window.

Louis crawled in behind him, cuddling as close as he could physically get as he pulled the covers up. Mike instinctively twisted his feet around Louis’ legs as the older man nuzzled his face between Mike’s shoulder blades and kissed his back. He snaked his arm about Mike’s stomach until his better half found his hand and brought it up to rest over his heart.

 

“I’m not upset.” Mike mumbled, still half asleep, before Louis could speak a word.

“I am. I should have been here.” Louis countered, beginning an argument he knew he couldn’t win.

“I understand. Work. It’s work. We’ll have show night later.”

“I’m sorry baby. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“No more sorries. Is okay. Sleep now.”

“I love you.”

“Love you.”

 

Mike’s last words were drawn out and slurred and in minutes he was back playing with the sandman, leaving Louis alone right next to him.

Louis exhaled a breath as the silence washed over the room they shared. The sounds of the continued night outside were muted as Louis concentrated on what was in front of him. The thoughts of the day that had been pestering him began to fade into the blackness, until all that was left behind Louis’ closed eyes were the mismatched sounds of their heartbeats. 

Louis’ raced, thumping out a rhythm twice as fast as Mike’s. Skin to skin, Louis; body grew warmer against the younger man as the night begins to take hold of him.

He breathes, Louis’ inhales unconsciously syncing with his partners. The feeling of being trapped and overwhelmed began to melt out of existence. Louis’ heart calmed and slowed until it met with Mike’s, their hearts beating as one in the night. Sleep took Louis with a smile, knowing in their synced hearts that this was where they both belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to finish, but at least it's finally done!! If you're reading this, thanks for sticking with it until the end. You're very brave!!!! :)


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